You Never Let Go

There were so many things I planned to blog about tonight. Things that have challenged me, filled me with joy, saddened me, frustrated me, infuriated me. Instead, I find myself too moved to write anything. Too spent to put it into words. Just…..undone. While we were travelling back to the compound tonight, a song struck me that seems very appropriate to the context here:

 

“When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go

When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rose
And hope had flown
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Oh, my soul
Overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul
Fills hope
Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, what love, oh, what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You’re the same
Oh, You never let go”

 

By the David Crowder Band, youtube clip embedded below:

 

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Categories: beauty, brokenness, Church of Scotland, Faith, God, Inspirational, Jesus, Mission, Music, Pakistan, Poetry, prayer, tragedy, World, World Mission, World Mission Council | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Photography in Pakistan

“ You’ve got to push yourself harder. You’ve got to start looking for pictures nobody else could take. You’ve got to take the tools you have and probe deeper.” – William Albert Allard

I got very frustrated with myself on Thursday. We were out visiting projects in Thatta and Badin, in the Sindh province. Areas affected by flooding this year and last.

One of the places we visited was a village called Bachyo Jogo. A village of maybe 15 huts, perhaps a population of 90 (these numbers are very rough, not exact!). About 50 people in all came to see us.

My job was to note stories and take photos. Both of which I managed. But, I’m not happy with the results of my photography. The images are good, exposed well, composed fine. But none of them really stand out to me. I had high hopes for what the results would be and didn’t hit them.

Some people will say the photos are great and I should be happy. But I’m not. I know I can do much better, and it highlights, to me, reminds me, humbles me into remembering that this visit was my first ever of this type. It was my first chance taking photos in this setting. So why should I expect my photos not to reflect that!? I know as I gain more experience I will improve, but it frustrates me now that my pictures aren’t as good as I’d wanted!

There are a few challenges about taking photos out here in Pakistan. Firstly, the biggest problem is the light. Being so far south means that the sun sets very quickly and early. This gives less daylight hours to use. The light is also extremely harsh between 10amish and 4pmish, it glares on everything, creates very harsh shadows and flattens everything. It keeps photographers on their feeting and constantly trying to adjust settings and lighting to make it more flattering.
Secondly is the time span. We were in the village for less than an hour. To get the kind of images I’d hoped to, I now know that it involves spending more time in a village getting to know the people, getting comfortable with them and allowing them to get comfortable with me. But I won’t always have the time, so I know within myself thay I need to cut out those brief seconds of hesitation and just do my job.

It’s good to be reminded of my shortcomings, to not let me become big headed!

I find it hard while we are travelling, driving in our cars. We drive past so many excellent photo opportunities. But I know we have little time to stop!

This week I will have the chance to spend longer at the projects we are visiting, and I’m confident my photos will reflect that increased comfort around the people I’m with.

Peace Out!

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Beauty and Brokenness

While we driving home from projects in the flood ravaged Sindh I found my self reflecting on the depth of the beauty and of brokenness that is present in Pakistan. I’ll unpack that many times over the next few days, for the moment I want to share the lyrics of a song that popped into my head whilst reflecting:

Beauty for brokenness, hope for despair,

Lord, in your suffering world this is our prayer.

Bread for the children, justice, joy, peace,

sunrise to sunset, your kingdom increase!

God of the poor, friend of the weak,

give us compassion we pray.

melt our cold hearts, let tears fall like rain;

come, change our love from a spark to a flame.

Shelter for fragile lives, cures for their ills,

work for the craftsman, trade for their skills;

land for the dispossessed, rights for the weak,

voices to plead the cause of those who can’t speak.

Refuge from cruel wars, havens from fear,

cities for sanctuary, freedoms to share.

Peace to the killing fields, scorched earth to green,

Christ for the bitterness, his cross for the pain.

Rest for the ravaged earth, oceans and streams

plundered and poisoned — our future, our dreams.

Lord, end our madness, carelessness, greed;

make us content with the things that we need.

Lighten our darkness, breathe on this flame

until your justice burns brightly again;

until the nations learn of your ways,

seek your salvation and bring you their praise.

(God of the poor, friend of the weak: Graham Kendrick)

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Asim Butt

Today was an interesting day, the meeting we were supposed to have with the Bishop had been postponed until Friday, so we unexpectedly ended up with a free day. We thought it would be a good idea to take some time to go round Karachi and get a sense of the city, and as such, a small sense of Pakistani culture. We did so and our eyes were opened to aspects of culture and tradition we were unaware of. But I’m going to talk more about that tomorrow, tonight I want to share a poem and some thoughts from a Pakistani artist, Asim Butt, who made a lot of political statements through his art. First, a statement about photography:

“Although Asim Butt used the camera as a tool with which to build the theme and composition construct of his painting, he relished the idea that the camera could see beyond the confines of the apparent and superficial and reach into the realm of inner consciousness”

Askm used his camera sometimes in place of, or to supplement his sketch book. What intrigues me about this statement is last phrase. I’m not sure if I agree with it, if I see that as part of my photography, but it’s most certainly making me think.

The poem is:

“I paint because it allows me to stare shamelessly,
To be able to flesh out an idea, emotion or commit to an image,
a shadow of the world around me.

I paint because there is a spill-over of energy within that must find form or else it will haunt and twist me.

I paint to commit to an act of magic and pleasure,
for myself, for the love of my audience,
and for an abstract notion of my myse’s gaze.

I paint to validate mysrlf
And to discover surprises within and without.

I paint as a penance for my inadeqaucies.

I paint to understand the World around me and to own and disown what I desire and dislike about it.

I paint as a political act:
to express my power over power larger than myself.

I paint to create what it is I want to see,
to fill an absence in the World”

Again, I’m not 100% what I think, but I am provoked to though, perhaps to flesh out my own version of the poem : “I photograph because….”

Art was certainly not a side of Pakistan I expected to see, and perhaps such exhibitions aren’t common, buf this is a nation who are not shy at expressing themselves, especially not with colour! I think art is a window into a society, a culture, so I am glad we were able to experience it to this extent!

salam-o-alekum

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Why on Earth am I in Pakistan?

You may have worked out, via this blog, twitter, facebook or foursquare that I am currently in Pakistan. You may not, howrver, know why. You see, it seems I wrote a long post about this visit then, being the smart lad that I am, forgot to save and/ or post it. How does that even happen!?!

Anyway, let’s focus on Pakistan. If you read my blog regularly, or have dug through the archives, you will have noticed 2 major happenings in my life. The first occured in April, when my Wife and I opened a photography and art business together. The Second occured a month later, in May, when I was accepted onto the Church of Scotland World Mission Council.

So how do these 2 occurences add up to me being in Pakistan?

With Hoskins Gallery I am the photographer, we mostly aim to work in Portraiture and Weddings over the initial start up period of the business, but eventually we want the main focus of the photography side of things to be in Humanitarian Photography. Why? It all started 7 years ago at CLAN gathering. It was prophecied over me that I would servevGod with my hands. When this prophecy was spoken, I had barely picked a camera up before, so that being the service was the last thing on my mind. Rather, I thought, assumed it was all to do with sports – specifically American Football, in a Youth Ministry settibg, that would be the outcome of the prophecy. 7 years, a lot if hurt, pain, determination, soul searcjing and travelling later, I find myself inextricably drawn towards Humanitarian Photography. I love photography, love capturing moments in life that are emotive; love photographing a besutiful sunset or a stunning panorama. On top of this, because of my faith(and by this I mean that my sense is derived from my faith, not that without faith you cannot rail against injustice!), I have a strong sense that there is a lot of injustice and need in the world and I feel called, drawn, motivated – whichever word fits best, to use my passion for and skills in photography to document/ highlight/ advocate for the people in the world affected by these issues.

My being on the CofS World Mission Council allows me to become more educated in, and in turn educate others in, the nature of the need and injustices so many face. It also allows me a place to offer up my photography (and also my social media skills) in order to advance the work of both the World Mission Council and myself in this field.

Whilst we are in Pakistan, we will visit places and projects that will test me like I have never been tested before – photographically, spiritually and mentally. I will meet people (indeed I already have) who have been through unimaginable terror and horror.

One place in particular we will visit where I know I will be stretched is Badin. A town in the Sindh Province that has bedn devestated, again, by flooding this year. I know I will see and meet people in incredibly desperate situations, knowing that there us nothing I can do to help them, except for my job. To document, through photography and recording (writing) their testimony, the story of how they came to be where they are. Hos does that help someone whose home, whose life, has been devestated by flood, disease and starvation I hear yoy ask? Because stories capture peoples attention, their emotions, their compassion. By listeninv to storues told to me and photigraphing those affected, I can bring back raw materials that can be developed into resources to encourage prayer, action, advocacy and many other things.

That is why I’m in Pakistan, that is why I feel so drawn to Humanitarian photography. It is the small differenxe that I can make.

salam-o-alekum

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Touchdown in Karachi!

Well, we’ve landed safely in Karachi!
We met at Glasgow Airport at 11am yesterday (UK time) and landed here this morning at 11am (7am UK time!)

Flights over were fine, the 8 hour wait at Dubai provided time for some uncomfortable sleeping and the security staff at Karachi Airport seemed to be very interested in the fact that I shave my head!

Once we got out if the airport, we were picked up by Johnson – a driver that the Church World Service (CWS) have provided for us here in Karachi. Who then took us to the CWS offices in Karachi, here we met Jennie, Audrey, Shama and many more, who’s names I have already forgotten :-/ At the offices we were given a brief rundown of what they do here, and worldwide. We were also treated to a gorgeous chicken curry and Dahl lunch, after enjoying some sweet chai tea. CWS gave us a brief security briefing for our trip – where to avoid/ what to avoid doing/ what to do in the unlikely event something does happen. In reality it put us, well, me at the least, at ease and confirmed suspicions that Pakistan isn’t as dangerous and unstable as Western media often makes it out to be (thats not to say that some areas aren’t dangerous and unstable or that there is not an inherent fragility about the country). This security briefing also allowed time for questions and some cultural do’s and don’ts!

The people here are all very friendly, which is good given that, being 3 very white westerners in a sea of Asian faces does mean we stick out a wee bit in a crowd! We went to a market this afternoon to get Fiona some culturally appropriate clothes for visiting various projects over the next few days. That was an experience! Jennie, a CWS staffer, came along to help (with what to buy as well as to make sure Fiona wasn’t fleeced!) was amazing! Guiding Fiona away from what were (apparently) Westernised version of the traditional dress, and making sure it was all done at a good price!

I haven’t taken many photos yet – it’s not a great idea for me to walk around the streets with it, advertising my expensive camera as a tempting target for any opportunists around! I have taken a few in the compound we are staying in, but I won’t really get going with it until we start visiting projects.

We were meant to meet the local Bishop tomorrow, unfortunately the volume of work he is dealing with has meant our meeting has been postponed until Friday, not sure what we’ll be doing yet, possibly some cultural learning!

There is so much here that reminds me of Nepal – the sounds, the smells, some of the sights. Its a very colourful place, the buses have to be seen to be believed! Just driving and walking around reminded me of why I love to travel – the new sights, smells, people to listen to and learn from, the new way of life to watch and learn from. Awesome.

I’m looking forward to what else we’ll see and experience on this trip. It’s guaranteed to be a mind altering trip!

Peace Out! (salam-o-alekum: which means “Peace be with You”)

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Church of Scotland World Mission blog

Yesterday, the Church of Scotland World Mission Council launched its new blog, found at www.cofswmc.wordpress.com. I won’t say a lot about it here, the first post on it explains what it’s all about! I do recomend that you follow it and hear about some of the exciting things happening through and within the Council.

Peace Out

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Hoskins Gallery

For I am about to do a new thing.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
(Isaiah 43:19 NLT)

For the last 6 years, since Linda and I got married, I’ve been employed in full-time Christian Youth Ministry. It’s been….an experience. Plenty of highs and lows, unfortunatley more lows than highs. But thats chat for another post, tonight I’m focusing on the new thing God is doing with Linda and I.

7 years ago, at CLAN Gathering I was prophesied over, the prophecy was that I was going to serve God with my hands. At the time, I was still planning on having a long career in youth ministry, with a focus on sports ministry – so I assumed the hands was to do with American Football! Then, 4.5 years ago, January 2007, Linda bought me my first digital camera, a Fujifilm S8000. She bought me it at a point in my life where I was starting to struggle with depression, a struggle that hasn’t long ended. It was during this time that I threw myself into photography, it was an escape, a way for me to block out everything. Within a couple of years, I progressed from my Bridge camera onto a DSLR. As each day has passed, and passes still, I fall more in love with photography. I grow in my understanding and technical ability, I grow in how much I understand how little I know and still need to learn! I’ve gotten to the point where all I can imagine doing is photography. I’m always dreaming up new projects to do, new places to go. Always reading about new techniques, new challenges, new ways to do things. I’m sure I drive my friends and family nuts at times talking about and constantly taking photos! One hing that has emerged from it all, that is very apparent to both myself and Linda, is that I have a passion for Humanitarian photography, for photography that tells the story of real people’s lives and moves others to react to it. Photography that is powerful, meaningful, striking, beautiful, challenging, heart-breaking and intimate. Photography that will make a difference.

That’s the abridged version of the last 6 years, which brings us to the point of this post.

Hoskins Gallery.

In April this year, Hoskins Gallery was created. Linda and I had both gotten to the point where the stress, depression and dissatisfaction I was facing in my various roles in Youth Ministry was just entirely too consuming. It was time for me to move on, I was burnt out, nothing left to give. We’d been contemplating opening a business together for a while, and we got a good kick in the right direction. Linda still had a few months to go at Uni and that was without doubt the most important thing to be focused on, but at the same time, we felt it was time to take a step of Faith and venture into the unknown.

Hoskins Gallery is a photography and fine art business. Obviously, I am the main photographer. Linda is the creative director. As well as producing prints (she has a degree in printmaking from Gray’s school of art) Linda plays a vital role in the photography side of things, helping to arrange poses/ props etc so that I can have my eye on the shutter the whole time to make sure I don’t miss the moments or the light.

As we start out, our main focus is on wedding and portrait photography, primarily based in Aberdeen and the surrounding area, although more than willing to travel! These two areas are where the biggest market is and where we think it is right for us to start to get our name known. Currently, we are a purely mobile service. Based online at www.hoskinsgallery.com we have a portable studio that fits in almost any house. The dream, however, is to, as a business, own a property where we would have a studio for portrait and lifestyle photograhy as well as a studio for Linda to create her artwork from. We would also like a gallery space within our premises, where we can have exhibitions of our work, the work of peers in the photography and art world as well as up and coming artists/ photographers. One area of photography we, I, are very keen to expand into is the Humanitarian field. I don’t think I could have picked a harder area of photography to aim for. An area where you need to take exceptional photographs (I have a way to go yet) but you also need nerves of steel, on top of a compassionate heart, to be able to focus on and process the realisities of human life you will invariably come across. I anticipate it to take around 5 years, if not longer, to break into this field. Partly because of the growth I need to do to be better enabled to work in this field, but mostly because of how long it will take to buld a good portfolio in this area. That being said, my first trip where my role is that of a Humanitarian photographer starts on Monday. On Monday, I leave for Pakistan for 11 days with a small group from the Church of Scotland World Mission Council. It’s my first trip in this role, butnby no means the first step on the journey.

All in all, despite the weekly uncertainties, this is an incredibly exciting time for Linda and I. We hope that we can rely on you for your prayers and support (perhaps your business too!?). And I look forward to sharing more of this journey with you on my personal blog here, and our busness blog on our business website.

Peace Out

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9/11 – Looking back…

You’d have to be living under a rock to not realise that today is the 10th Anniversary of the terrorist attacks that caused so much devestation at the World Trade Centre, the Pentagon and in a field in Pennsylvania. Every year people all around the World commemorate this tragedy in different ways, but this year will be different, at least for the people in New York. This will be the first year that the new memorial will be open at Ground Zero, a memorial commemorating those who died senselessly in that attack, celebrating the bravery of firefighters, police officers and ordinary civilians that day, celebrating the strength of character that so many people have shown in rising from the ashes of destruction that day stronger – not necesarily as individuals, but as a community, both locally in New York and nationallty and internationally. It is a memorial that says clearly that we will not forget those who died that day, but neither will we succumb to terror.

One of the things that always strikes me is the bravery that so many showed that day: firefighters who selflessly ran into the burning towers to save people, civilians in the towers who risked their own lives to make sure fellow office workers made it out, police officers who risked everything to help people onnthe sites, the crew and passengers of flight 93 who refused to allow the hijackers on their plane complete their mission, the military personal at thr Pentagon who ran into the flames and confusion of what had happened those the could from there.

I’ve never been to any of the locations where people were killed that day, perhaps one day I will. I would be interested in especially visiting Ground Zero one day, I don’t think I would enjoy the experience and I’m not sure what draws me there; some peculiar sense of the macabre, or some weird voyeurism perhaps. It just seems like an important place to visit. I didn’t personally know anyone who was lost or who lost a loved one that day, but it the most visible site of an act, an event, a day that has shaped the decade since.

I know that some people don’t understand why we should make a bigger deal about this, the 10th anniversary, than any other anniversary or why we should remember this one day above all the other days when people have died in terrorist attacks. I think it’s because no (that I can think of) other terrorist attack has shaped the World so much. The last decade would have been very, very different if 9/11 had not happened. Would there have been so much war? Would we live in such a security conscious society? It is important to commemorate such events, to remind ourselves of what people have gone through and of what people are capable of – acts of evil and acts of incredible goodness. How many of the people who died that day died in thr act of trying to save others? The firefighters, the police officers, civilians. It is right that we remember them especially, to remember the lengths that people can and will go too to try and save people they have never met. So many people who witnessed the events of that day, whether in person or on TV have commented that they knew that nothing would ever be the same again.

A question we often hear on TV programs commemorating the event is “can you remember where you were when you heard about the attacks on 9/11?”. Most people I’ve spoken to can. I can still remember it as if it was yesterday. I was standing in my parents living room with 2/3 friends; we were about to go out for the day. Just as we were about to leave one of our other friends, Andy Simpson, phoned and told us that a plane had crashed into the twin towers and that we should turn on the news. We immediatley assumed that he was talking about a light aircraft, I remember theorising out loud that it must have been a Cessna. We then watched in disbelief for the next few hours and the tragedy of that day played out before our eyes and was then repeated over and over of the news. I remember watching the live film of the second plane hitting the towers, feeling scared and sad for those caught up in all of the terror. I remember one of my friends, Colin, turning to me and wondering out loud if we would be called up by the army to fight in the war we knew was about to start. I’ve seen those images replayed in TV time and time again, everytime it takes me back to that day watching in disbelief in my parents living room.

Watching that kind of event happen and watching all the programs that come after exploring some of the individual stories from the day makes you wonder about how you would react under the circumstances. I’ve often wondered if I would have had the courage that so many showed that day, or if I would have lost hope or frozen and let the events of the day happen to me. I pray I’ll never know! One thing I do know is that we should never forget that day, the people who suffered because of it, the atrocities committed, the acts of bravery and heroism shown by so many. It has influenced so much in the world, so many lives have been touched by what happened that day. It was a hugely emotional event that displayed, live on TV, the worst that people will do to each other and the best that people will do for each other.

Peace Out

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A visit to the Church of Scotland National Youth Assembly

So last Monday I went to visit the Church of Scotland National Youth Assembly, I mentioned a wee bit of ehat thr event means to me in my last Blog post and will delve a bit deep into that in another post, this post is going to be just about last Monday!

The theme of the Assembly this year was “Love life”, with John Bell being the main speaker. From all accounts John spoke very well – passionate and challenging, over the weekend. When I was there on Monday he was speaking about the importance of recieving blessings from other people alongside the importancd of giving blessings to them. He illustrated this with stories about people he has met over his life that have enriched his life, even when he initially thought they had nothing to give. Now, usually I don’t find myself in agreement with some of John’s approach to Theology, but on Monday I found myself agreeing with him, more than that, I found myself really resonating with what he was saying. It started me thinking about my time at the Youth Assembly over the last 11 years and how it has blessed me through the people that I was often there to serve; about the times when I took part in summer mission and how they people I met more often than not blessed me more than I felt I blessed them; about the hospitality I was shown when I visited an unrecognised Arab village in Israel, visiting a community who had very little, were severely oppressed, yet still gave everything they had to the 11 white people who were visiting them.

There was only one debate on Monday at the assembly, a debate talking about marriage. It was really interesting to listen to the groups as I was walking around taking photos, hearing how each group had picked up on different aspects if the material. Some were delving deeply into Theology of marrisge and looking at what the New Testament had to say about it; some were exploring current cultural approaches to marriage, asking questions such as “Is more emphasis
put on the wedding than on the actual marriage?” and “Is marriage as important to society as it used to be?”; other groups were exploring issues around divorce and remarriage, during the ‘blether’ where they had recieved some background information about the subject they were also asked some specific questions about Marriage and how the Church relates to it, one of the questions being “should the Church develop a liturgy of divorce?” The reasoning behind this being that an earlier survey of young people had brought back the suggestion that a service marking a divorce may help children and young people (and the adults) to cope with thr break up a marrige better. It was a really interesting debate, I’m sure the final deliverance will appear on the COSY blog soon!

One of the things I loved about visiting this assembly was the number of people I recognised, it really wasn’t that big a percentage of the number of people there. I thought that was awesome! Yeah, it was great to see old friends, people I haven’t seen in ages when I went, but it was just as awesome to see more youth and young adults engaging with the wider Church, the more diverse the attendance at the NYA is, the better for the wider Church!

My role on Monday was to take some photos of the day, capturing some of the moments that could be used for publicity for the event. I was able to get a number of good photos, which will be appearing on here, the COSY blog, the COSY flickr page and a few other places soon, I was very aware that I was starting my visual story telling of the weekend at the end of the event. They may be good photos, the may provide a visual narrative to some of Mondays goings on, but they are missing the wider narrative and context of the entire weekend, so I can’t wait to see the photos appearing from others who were there for the whole weekend, or perhaps just for small parts of te weekend.

I’m going to leave my ramblings there for the time being, save to provide some links for you to better explore things around the Church of Scotland National Youth assembly:
For the COSY blog visit: www.cosyblog.wordpress.com
For the COSY Twitter account: www.twitter.com/#!/cosy_nya
For the COSY Flickr page: www.flickr.com/photos/cosyblog

Enjoy exploring these pages!

Peace Out

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